i love thomas! he makes it all so real. like me, he's an experiential learner! he didn't just want to hear about the resurrected jesus...thomas wanted to SEE and TOUCH him...and really get a good look at those scars.
many folks have given thomas a bum deal for doubting. but i give thomas a lot of credit for being real. if not for thomas telling jesus "we don't know the way you are going. " we wouldn't have jesus saying "I AM THE WAY!"
and it was thomas who said that he would go to jerusalem with jesus, even if it meant dying. (he at least got it that jesus was probably going to die)
and thomas gives me hope. he gives me hope in the midst of my doubts...i too sometimes need to have proof that jesus is really alive...that jesus is really working...awake, active in my life. that he hasn't taken a vacation to the bahamas and forgotten that i am in need of help. he knows that i am but dust and that i need him to dust me often! i need his touch and reassurance that all is in his nail-scared hands and all is in control (and i don't have to be)
i had two words that i carried around with me during lent...PEACE and PATIENCE. i picked these up during the "hobo honeymoon" prayer experience i created for lent.
i was able to live into the peace of JESUS...when frustrated or afraid or filling with doubt, i'd remember the card with the word PEACE ....the peace that passes all understanding ...and i actually felt god's peace replace my fear.
PATIENCE...well, that's another story!...i am perhaps the most impatient person on the planet.
i don't like waiting
i don't like not knowing
i detest not understanding the future...or what the next step is.
like thomas i tend to get active (he wasn't with the other disciples when jesus appeared), get busy and too often that means missing jesus...too often that means running ahead of what god has in store. i'm sure thomas just didn't like sitting around waiting ...he wanted to do something and get on with the next thing.
so on this tuesday after easter i am living into the second p word...
god has me in a place where i don't know the future
i cannnot see beyond this week.
i don't have a clue what my next job is ...or what the next lewin family adventure might be
i would like the way to be clearer but right now the doors seem locked.
i also need to live into that "consider the lilies" thing too.
rather than toiling and spinning,
i am called to do what is in front of me ...do what i know to do...do what is at hand.
like in 12 step programs...sometimes that just means doing the dishes...or the laundry...or the paper work that i procrastinate on so very easily!
jesus didn't laugh at thomas, he didn't leave thomas in doubt forever. instead, jesus comes through the locked door of the upper room and says "PEACE to you" and then jesus specifically calls to thomas..." hey thomas, touch me"
and like thomas i am blown away by the living lord...
and jesus is saying to me as he says to thomas "stop doubting and believe" and i am saying with thomas " my lord and my god" and thanking jesus for loving me in the midst of my need for sight.