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mac and rob defected early...sunday night, so mac wouldn't miss class and rob could prep for the week and teaching/sermon/message for the weekend...
hudson and i are heading home today after finishing the cottage clean up...which actually takes awhile due to needing to close everything down for the season.
it has been a great time...and i don't want to leave...it has been nice to start each day staring at the water, to begin a much needed exercise routine, and to rekindle daily rhythm with jesus...
however, reality calls and there is one more month to complete at christ church...
i want to finish well, and not leave the students hanging...
i am praying for the next person who'll take over...praying for one specific person who is just perfect for the job! and praying that the search committee won't committee the process to death!
in all honesty, i wish i could just be done today...
in all reality, it will take me several weeks to disengage all my stuff from the youth space and maybe longer to organize all the experiential worship stuff.
so i won't be leaving, leaving until way into the new year...but i'll just not receive that whopping pay check...
on one hand, i am looking forward to not being a "paid" christian for a while...
on the other hand, i am scared spitless...
i have spent my entire life performing, achieving and working in order to achieve control in my life....
in order to make life make sense...as a workaholic this is the equation that i've lived in...
work+performance =love
work + performance =safety
achievement=acceptance and love and self worth...
so this leap out of the boat is feeling rather like drowning, even though i know in my heart that it is really taking off the huge leg irons that are causing me to sink....
i just need to remember what dori (in finding nemo ) says...
just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming...
btw..i'll really miss this view ...
hey lil, i think it's 'just stop swimming, just stop swimming, just stop swimming, swimming, swimming' :)
just remember you are choosing life lilly! i'm so proud of you. walking away from that which keeps us in leg irons is life. i've termed mine 'egypt' - every time i want the quick easy answers of my past i just remember that it was slavery. it was not life.
happy advent to you too!
Posted by: bobbie | November 30, 2004 at 04:03 PM
Lil,
Don't know anything about you, but from what I gather you work in the youth ministry and are leaving for the next phase of your life that God has planned. Well I am a youth director/college student and when I graduate in May I will be in your shoes. I am scared, yet anxious, frightened, yet excited. What God has planned I have no idea, but I guess it comes down to you must continue to have Faith. Make sure God is under the bridge to catch you and then take a leap of faith...such is life. Keep swimming.
Posted by: Josh | December 01, 2004 at 04:50 AM
lilly,
it was good connecting with you while in michigan. may you sense the Spirit's presence during your transition away from Christ church.
randy
Posted by: randy buist | December 02, 2004 at 04:19 AM
Lilly's back! (doing a little happy dance) Say the word and I'll show up with boxes to help you fish through all the CCG stuff... How very cool to walk with you in this phase of your life. Thanks for chosing the way of integrity.
Posted by: Lori | December 02, 2004 at 04:20 PM
You are in my prayers
Posted by: JoAnna Kelleher | December 03, 2004 at 03:23 AM