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« a small glimpse of the kingdom | Main | on pilgrimage kentucky »

April 11, 2005




I know the pain that you speak of and experience it myself. God doesn't use you DESPITE these things he uses you BECAUSE of these things.

He knows that you will reach many who suffer in silence BECAUSE you are bold enough not to be.

He knows that you will affect many who are broken BECAUSE you know what it is to be broken and loved by God.

He knows that you will show grace and mercy to many who miss the mark BECAUSE you know God's grace and mercy through your trials.

I pray that today and always you will live in the freedom of knowing that God doesn't look around and say "well I guess I'll use Lilly today despite her shortcomings" but instead shouts with glee "YEAH! I get to use Lilly today because of who she is, what I know about her and because she is willing."

Call if you need to talk.


I just want you to know that I love you, and you are an inspiration to me. I was thinking of you today, and this thought came to mind. "That lilly, she is such a positive person. I want to be more like her." I know your pain. you are not alone, and you are loved.



you are so brave, and i have looked up to you since i met you in san diego 03. cyndi and i love you and will keep you close to our hearts.

one of the smaller points of your post was the silence of blogging. it's weird, i feel the same way, i post and post and get like two comments a month. but then i realized that i check out every one elses blogs and don't comment for them, so here is to learning to do unto others as i would want them to do.

rock on in His glory because it is all for His glory


oh lily, i'm sorry that it's been hard, but i admire your willingness to admit it, and love that you took it 'full circle'. it is in our weakness that we are most useful in the kingdom.

gosh i wish we had a chance to just sit and gab over a coffee - i'm was touched that my blog inspired this post. but i am also shocked, because i have been avoiding my own stuff on my blog for months... i'm a mess too, and avoiding too many other things than just processing my stuff on my blog.

so, your honesty here has inspired me to maybe face some of my own stuff too - thank you!

much love!


sorry, lilly, not lily! :p


just passing through, saw your blog on the recently updated list. you seem like a wonderful person. your post was very poetic. like bobbie mentioned you come full circle. it feels much like a Psalm where David would cry out to God in bewilderment, then end in praise.

life is a struggle, but we don't have to struggle against life. i don't know if that makes any sense, but i think you are learning that. stick with Jesus. by His wounds we are healed.


I see myself is clearly in your post - not just the struggles with depression and anxiety, but the pressure I put on myself to 'handle it', (I beat myself senseless with the idea that 'all these people seem to be able to keep it together...normal people can 'handle it...etc ect.) and especially the dissonance of being an 'enthusiastic', optimistic person who sometimes can't get out of bad or make a simple decision.

I haven't had a debilitating depression in several years. These days, my weird brain chemicals are more likely to show in uncontrollable (not to say un-hide-able) wacked-out emotions. When I have a few down days in a row, I start to dread that a big depression's the past, I haven't been able to discern when I'm getting depressed.

The thing that frightens me the most: when I'm badly depressed, I can't remember ever feeling better.

sending you a hug and prayers. Thanks for posting this.




I love you soooooooo much! Fogive me for not pressing in on you more... I can't wait to see you. You are my hero!


wish i were going to be at WALP, just to see the smile in your eyes, that gleams beyond the words you write...even in the midst of your struggles with anxiety and depression...take courage in your journey...there are some mornings when i can only utter the me jesus...jesus help me, as i awaken to another day in this tangled are not alone, for in your anguish there are friends, and there is The Friend who know the weight of depression and sorrow...that we might be comforted.

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